Scribbled!

Last year, this time I was excited about leaving my job. Remember that? Remember the calendar, the count down, the research? All that planning so I could travel, write and drink beer. It was a great plan, and I swear, it would have worked.

But life happened. Or rather death. Then illness. Since my time was open I was available to show up when and as needed.

My plan was to live each day "Unwritten." All to soon my time was occupied and let me say, this year has zoomed by. Next week we will reach October 2012.

I will say that I loved being at home, mistress of each and every moment of my day. I never had to get a round tuit. I either went for it or passed.

These days I am working way more than forty hours a week and I think I will clear enough to meet my financial obligations,, pay off auto repair debt, attend home repairs and replenish my savings. My hours are spread over seven days a week and allow me to provide care for my grand-daughters as their mother returns to work. Some days it feels like more than I can stand.

In my previous post I outlined why I like my call center job. It's through a temp service and will end. I picked up an overnight shift at a group home. And I provide another five hours of office support.

As the call center hours run out I will pick up another overnight at the group home, but before November, I am committed to completing the edit of my novel for a Kindle publishing. I am already thinking about a sequel.

And then, say it with me... Pole Dancing in the City!!!

November will be a huge challenge with works and writing 50,000 plus words in 30 days, but I am leaving on a jet plane December 3rd!

Work - Ease and Effort

Currently, I'm working at a call center as a telephone interviewer. I call residents and ask questions about health and health practices. In a minute I will share my long list of reasons this works for me. First, the link to the questionnaires we use. Sometimes people are reluctant to answer questions over the phone. We give them the direct link to the study. So, check out the CDC and know where those statistics you read in magazines, see on the news, and hear in the media come from.

Just for fun, I have linked to my script. Eight hours a day I call and ask these questions. Imagine having this kind of information about a person you were planning to date, marry, or go into business with. If you have the attention, it is a long script, but with efficiency takes about 14 minutes to complete. Of course, it can take longer, depending on the responses.

I interviewed for the third time with the state agency for the same job they have passed me over for the past four months. At the end of the interview they ask if I have any questions. I could not remember it. Just drew a blank. On the way out I saw someone I know who shared that she too had received a rejection letter. As we shared our experiences in job search, she said we need to set higher standards. Then I remembered my question. "What's in it for me? Money notwithstanding, how does accepting this job serve me?"

I have committed to interviewing as practice in showing up authentically. Living my life freely and truthfully. When I choose another job, I expect my happiness to increase, my joy to overflow. Today I like what I do well enough and here's why:

1. I work in a friendly environment.
2. I am close enough to walk to work.
3. I work inside.
4. I have natural light - large windows within six feet of my cubical and trees outside.
5. I set my own schedule and can easily make adjustments.
6. The dress code is WAY relaxed.
7. There is great diversity amongst the employees - age, gender, race, ethnicity, expression
8. I get paid weekly.
9. There is filtered water available free of charge at all times.
10. I learn about varying choices of people across generations, populations, and incomes. 
11. I get to practice convincing arguments.
12. This is a low stress job. We come in, make our calls, go home. It could be and has been different, but today there are no worries.
13. I get to practice living in the moment, letting go and moving on, opening to the next opportunity, and keeping a smile in my voice. People get angry. They shout and cuss and slam the phone down. Next call...
14. I make a difference. 

Sometimes I can feel that I am making a difference. Other times I just know. Mostly I just ask questions without input, but occasionally the respondent needs to share their life story. There is no place for me to enter individual responses, but people need to say their piece. I am thankful to be there in those moments. I am also reminded again of why I like this job with it's brevity of interactions rather than a field in which I might spend 50 minutes in the process.

I've been checking out the customer service at home gig, but so far haven't found anything that works. Alpine Access requires travel to their office for training. West at Home requires $30 for a background check. When I know more, you will too. If anyone has better info, do say.

Until later... Hi-ho, hi-ho...

Make My Day

"Hello. I'm calling for..."

That's what I do. I call.

I work at a call center and spend eight hours a day calling respondents to ask questions about their day to day living habits that might effect their health. I'm not a telemarketer. I am neither selling nor soliciting. I gather information from private residents that translates into data used for local, state and federal funding. I encourage you to participate. And yet, many people refuse because...

I'm not interested. One interesting facet of the study process is that you get to consider your daily habits in an objective light. The questions are very specific and ask you to classify and quantify your responses. Rather than a dialogue, I will be asking questions with specific guidance.

I don't have time. We are happy to call at a time that is convenient for you. Since your input is important, we will accommodate you. People are willing to donate money to a cause or spend their time watching reality TV, but not invest in their communities over the phone.

What are you going to pay me? Completion of the study is part of your sharing of your time and talent toward shaping your community and deciding how resources will be allocated. There are some compensated studies, but the amount is nominal rather than value. People are rarely impressed with the offered compensation.

What difference can I make? I mind my own business/pay my own bills/am healthy... Community agencies have invested time and money in education programs. Surveys are one way of assessing the effectiveness of those programs and deciding which need to be changed. During the survey process we also share information that may be new or a review of health concerns, conditions, or considerations.

I am not allowed to converse with respondents. The questions are read verbatim and answers entered electronically. This system allows immediate and accurate recording of data which is separate from respondent identifiers.

I like my job. I learn something new every day. Some people insist on sharing more information than I ask. That's fine as long as they continue the study and answer the questions asked. There are lots of people who do not visit a doctor and consider themselves healthy. There are more people who need education on the warning signs of life threatening conditions. I can't tell them. I tell you.

We are inundated with information. There are TV commercials, radio ads, billboards, pamphlets, flyers, and books. The TV doctors report, share, and advise, as do doctor's offices, if we get there. Apparently, this is not reaching the populous, or we are not paying attention. Or maybe we don't think it matters.

During the CPR training this week the video scenario shows a mother at lunch with her daughter who is choking. She freaks and shouts for help. How is it that we do not automatically know how to help a choking victim? Same for the kid who faints, repeatedly and the mother sits at his side screaming, "Somebody help me! He's fainted again."

Please call 9-1-1. The operator will talk you through what to do next. During the health study I do not offer answers. There are only choices.

The next time someone calls and asked you to participate in a health study, please take the time to understand who is sponsoring the study and what they are investigating before you completely dismiss the call. Your opinion really makes a difference. And your participation makes my day.

Thank you for your time and cooperation.

Work Situation Update

One of the advantages of going out to work is that the creative brain gets to rest while the analytic brain trudges along. However, I find that I am WAY less creative when I am working. I think in small spurts that seem to fizzle after a few seconds. My current job requires me to be constantly on task so I have little scraps of paper with snippets of ideas and concepts. The problem is that I am so tired I can't even imagine working on the blog I started in my head.

I am thankful to have found  One Word. You get one word and one minute to write. It works. Lately I have been too busy to log on, but I can stop and take sixty seconds to write with abandon. You can too. One minute. One word. Wherever you are...

Write on!

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

In the last twenty-four hours, the surprise lilies have popped up. I found them after returning home from a walk around my neighborhood. I'd like to say that I was out enjoying the fabulous weather. It was cool and breezy. I wore my hair down, carried my camera out, and listened to music.

My specific journey was to drop my car key at the dealership where my car was towed yesterday. I just cringed typing that. We were on the way to the mall. I thought I might check out the massage station since I have an interview Monday. DA wants another dress. And my daughter had a ten dollar off coupon to a store we usually avoid. We had plans.

Driving along the car just stopped. We were on a hill at the major intersection. It started again and then died as I made the turn. We rolled along until we reached the shoulder. I put on the hazard lights. Gentle freak out... Call KIA road assist. Ten minutes later find that the service expired August 2009. They will still come help for $75.50. Never mind. Call the tow company we know. They arrive within ten minutes and carry my car to the dealer for $56.00. My insurance will reimburse the cost.

We go to the mall. Inside I am just sick. I am overwhelmed because I am the one who helps everyone else and for a moment (hours) I feel I have no one to help me. (It's just a feeling and feelings pass.) The mall is crowded. I don't think I have been here in the last year. I am amazed and a little overwhelmed. I remember coming here and shopping, lots - before I knew better.

We find lots of dresses. Even really cheap ones ($3.99). They are ugly. I probably wouldn't bring them home for free.We find others which are fabulous, but DA is a shopper and none seem to meet her expectation (except a size 14 prom dress - too big). Then she saw Barbie in a swimsuit. The end. She traded all discussion and desire for a new dress for that doll.

I didn't get my massage because the estechnicians were wearing gloves. It is a creepy feeling, to me. And for the price they charge I could get a pedicure as well. I was just kinda sunk, anyway.

My daughter is great with child. That's a whole other piece of the story. We called and got a ride home and I ate ice cream. It was a good time to start drinking, but I like my mind clear when I have an issue, especially distress. On the way to the kitchen, I realized that this was the perfect time to have a car issue. Better to have my car checked out and running well before I get a job.

I love my car! It is seven years old with 51K miles. I have only had two incidents when it hasn't gone. Both were battery issues - too hot and too cold, outside. I trust that all things work together and with that belief the only thing left to do is let go.

Drink More Wine

REJECTED!

That's how I felt and that's what I wanted to title this post.

DISAPPOINTED!

SAD!

But really, who wants to hear that? Who indeed?

But the moment comes when we need to tell the truth, to someone.

Here's how it started...

Wednesday night I read a post on reasons to get a real job. A couple of the reasons resonated with me. One, money. I like living in my home. I am supporting myself, and the bank will only barter with cash. I know I said that before, but it's on top. I need to trade services with somebody for something. Two, I notice I do not have a sense of urgency. Since I am at home, I tend to believe I will get around to it - whatever it is, eventually. I won't. I have the things I love to get at; the others wait on a list.

I went to sleep excited and encouraged about going back to work - soon. I had been waiting two weeks to hear back from my last interview. As the two day "no thank you" letter time had passed, I figured they were checking out my references and it was a go.

Thursday morning I sprang from bed, made my coffee, and set about cleaning. I recently acquired a set of tapes by Wayne Dyer. As he spoke, I took down the curtains and blinds from the window. I dusted, vacuumed and mopped. When I stepped out to shake the rug, I saw the mail had arrived.

It was a thin single sheet of paper. "Thank you for taking the time to interview. While you were not chosen..." Does it really matter what comes next? They could just as well send a post card that is stamped, "REJECTED!" and get on with it.

I cried, but I kept cleaning. I was sad, and I sat still. Every evening I just stop. I passed on the wine. I have found that drinking is a poor way to handle emotional distress. I like to drink, but I save it for special occasions - days that end in "y".

The weekend was hard. I am starting over, again. Today as I hung out the laundry I wondered if they think I will not fit in the "office culture." I probably won't, but I really wanted to work at it.

Now what to do? There are lots of jobs to apply for. Sometimes I just can't stand another application process. I have taken so many questionnaires. I had a phone screening Friday. The interview was scheduled for tomorrow, Tuesday. I canceled.

This position required knowledge, skills, responsibility, accountability, dependability, a clean driving record, vehicle and insurance. The starting pay is $7.75. Really? How is one expected to maintain a vehicle, add fuel to get to work, and pay insurance on the rate?

I've got to be reasonable even if employers aren't. I save money by not driving all over the place. I am willing to drive a bit for a decent wage, but if I am being paid pittance, I need to be in walking distance. I am looking closer to home?

As I type, I realize there are still another dozen places I can check out. That job I was waiting on has always been my last resort. I've been there before. Working closer to home may mean shifting my political opinions or at least my personal stance. What am I willing to give up to get a job?

Where do you draw the line?

Aspiring to Be

Eight months ago, today, I quit my job.

My general intention was to travel, write and drink beer. For the most part, that's what I have been doing. A gentle recap: I left my job, traveled to San Francisco to visit my Z, drank beer and finished writing my novel in November 2011. On November 27th, I received a call from my family of origin that I had to come see about them. After much crying, fussing, cussing, and praying, I began a journey that would take me through my mother's terminal illness and death, my father's failing health and repeated hospitalizations, and the clearing of a hoarder's treasures.

In the past eight months, I have processed more dysfunction than I had in all my years of therapy. Thankfully, I have a lot of tools to shovel the shit that was piled on. I could never have imagined the level of hurt waiting to be uncovered. I had no idea the history into which I was born. And all that crap that was said and done to me, well, it's in the past. That's how I kept traveling north. I kept remembering that I have already survived what I have been through and I am just fine. (I'll address my crazy elsewhere.)

So, here I am today, celebrating my eighth month at home. I did take a part-time situation for the month of May. That gave me a boost - financially and socially. I have picked up five or six hours a week clearing clutter. That helps as well. Financially, I have learned to live even closer to necessities. Staying under the budget I designed before I left work and the few dollars coming in have brought me two extra months.

I have applied for several jobs. I wait expectantly for my acceptance letter to the last position for which I interviewed. Each day I am thankful for this time I have had at home. I know returning to work full time will be a challenge. I am excited about that as well. My goal for this blog was to learn to live my life more freely and clearly. What I find is that I love being at home, tucked away behind the trees, reading, writing, and drinking beer.

Done digging in the past, I now consider how I want to show up in the present. Here is the greater work, to be the person we long to be. This will also bring our greatest challenges.

My journey has opened my heart/mind to the work of an instrument of peace.