Harder than I've Ever Worked

My Garden Grows

I quit my job so I could write, travel and drink beer. No sooner than I had returned from San Francisco, my family called me to come "home" and tend my father and brother. My mother had been ill for several months, but was in the hospital and had received a terminal diagnosis. Since then I have been traveling between my personal space (home) and the world of my family of origin.

It has been an emotional roller coaster and I have a series I have been working on called, Notes From the Rabbit Hole. It addresses the insanity I have experienced for the last four months. I have been cooking, cleaning, and sorting in the world I left in 1977. There is more stuff than I could ever imagine. My mother died on March 2 and my father said, throw it all out. No way! There is incredibly cool stuff to share, pass along, or add to my collection of things I really, really need.

I've washed dishes more times in these four months than I have probably in the last three years. I schedule my chores for once a week and make due. But to keep my father from getting up at 6 AM to do dishes, I emptied the sink each night. The recycle staff know me by name. There is a facility that will shred confidential papers while I watch and wait, so I am there every week. We are clearing from 1995, sometimes earlier.

I am traveling. Guess I should have specified where. Some weeks I come home on Monday and return on Tuesday. Today I am home until April as my DA and I will be traveling to San Francisco. I am so ready for both downtime and personal adventure.

I have a standing commitment to drink beer with a friend. It started as Tears and Beer. I needed a place to release the overwhelming feelings and what I thought was my major support failed. I was expected to find levity, but there is a time to laugh and a time to cry. I needed to cry - to weep and wail, bitch and moan.

And I am writing. Not always posting, but my pen finds paper and words flow forth. It takes both time and space to write consistently. Thinking happens on the fly. Sometimes I make notes, but there is work to be tended. No job I have ever held required as much effort as this process and yet, it is precisely because I understand how to get things done that this has gone as well as it has.

Making Sauerkraut

In the midst of all these changes, I continued to make my yogurt. I experimented with Milk Liqueur and have three batches of sauerkraut fermenting. Even while I am away from home, my garden blooms. I have been blessed with five months to spend time with my dying mother, reconnect with my siblings, and help my father reorder his space for this new phase in life. There is still the visit with my daughter and travel with my grand-daughter yet to come. My life is full and I am blessed.


I opportunity was offered and I accepted the time and space to live freely.

My favorite coffee - Cafe Bustelo

Freedom of Choice

With more time has come more choices in how I share or spend these moments. Lately, I've spent more time processing the shift from working full time, then traveling, the return home, holidays, and just this week traveling again. Last week, my neighbor asked if I missed working. Well, no! I enjoy the space and time to think and sort whatever will come next. We had our first snow here and the roads were traitorous. Cars were slipping at the slowest speeds and at times right through the lights and stop signs. I was out for an early meeting and then planning to travel north to visit my family. Thankfully, but the time I hit the highway the roads were clear. There were however, lots of vehicles in the ditches and off the shoulders. A huge truck had spun around and was facing back toward oncoming traffic. There is nothing to be said, except, "Oh my." Even the most careful drivers were slip sliding away.

I am thankful I have the time and resources to support my family during this current health challenge. I do miss cooking for other people. When I was working I could cook large quantities of food and carry it in to share. Sometimes I package up portions for my neighbors, but there is still a lot of food for a single person, meaning I eat leftovers for a long time.

I also offer thanks and praise to the Giver of All for several gifts I received this week. I write in long hand when I am away from home and while I was traveling to and from the coast, I really wanted a laptop, but as this is a post employment desire, I felt I needed to pray for its arrival. I passed on what looked like a great deal as I am not that tech savvy. As I checked out the seasons offerings, even those less expensive computers could need an extra $150 for support (taxes, warranties, insurance). So, I let go and figured I would just wait. And while I sat waiting, I was gifted a laptop. (Okay, I wasn't just waiting. I was looking, thinking, praying, imagining, and putting out the word that my hearts desire was for a laptop.) It works great and will meet my needs. I just ordered a new battery so that I can actually be unplugged. I also received a Garmin GPS and had company on the ride home. Wait, wait. I received an offer for a paid online focus group. AND, one final paycheck!

You can't beat God giving; no matter how you try.

 I have been blessed to make these choices. Yes, I live a simpler life, but many years ago I made a decision that shaped the following years. But since I am back from the home where I grew up, perhaps I will say, I chose a particular path to today. If you ever wonder why things look the way they do in your life, travel back to where it began and observe, with compassion. Believe, then you will understand. In another post we will talk about all the stuff that gets saved. And how to keep letting it slip away...