Drink More Wine

REJECTED!

That's how I felt and that's what I wanted to title this post.

DISAPPOINTED!

SAD!

But really, who wants to hear that? Who indeed?

But the moment comes when we need to tell the truth, to someone.

Here's how it started...

Wednesday night I read a post on reasons to get a real job. A couple of the reasons resonated with me. One, money. I like living in my home. I am supporting myself, and the bank will only barter with cash. I know I said that before, but it's on top. I need to trade services with somebody for something. Two, I notice I do not have a sense of urgency. Since I am at home, I tend to believe I will get around to it - whatever it is, eventually. I won't. I have the things I love to get at; the others wait on a list.

I went to sleep excited and encouraged about going back to work - soon. I had been waiting two weeks to hear back from my last interview. As the two day "no thank you" letter time had passed, I figured they were checking out my references and it was a go.

Thursday morning I sprang from bed, made my coffee, and set about cleaning. I recently acquired a set of tapes by Wayne Dyer. As he spoke, I took down the curtains and blinds from the window. I dusted, vacuumed and mopped. When I stepped out to shake the rug, I saw the mail had arrived.

It was a thin single sheet of paper. "Thank you for taking the time to interview. While you were not chosen..." Does it really matter what comes next? They could just as well send a post card that is stamped, "REJECTED!" and get on with it.

I cried, but I kept cleaning. I was sad, and I sat still. Every evening I just stop. I passed on the wine. I have found that drinking is a poor way to handle emotional distress. I like to drink, but I save it for special occasions - days that end in "y".

The weekend was hard. I am starting over, again. Today as I hung out the laundry I wondered if they think I will not fit in the "office culture." I probably won't, but I really wanted to work at it.

Now what to do? There are lots of jobs to apply for. Sometimes I just can't stand another application process. I have taken so many questionnaires. I had a phone screening Friday. The interview was scheduled for tomorrow, Tuesday. I canceled.

This position required knowledge, skills, responsibility, accountability, dependability, a clean driving record, vehicle and insurance. The starting pay is $7.75. Really? How is one expected to maintain a vehicle, add fuel to get to work, and pay insurance on the rate?

I've got to be reasonable even if employers aren't. I save money by not driving all over the place. I am willing to drive a bit for a decent wage, but if I am being paid pittance, I need to be in walking distance. I am looking closer to home?

As I type, I realize there are still another dozen places I can check out. That job I was waiting on has always been my last resort. I've been there before. Working closer to home may mean shifting my political opinions or at least my personal stance. What am I willing to give up to get a job?

Where do you draw the line?