Aspiring to Be

Eight months ago, today, I quit my job.

My general intention was to travel, write and drink beer. For the most part, that's what I have been doing. A gentle recap: I left my job, traveled to San Francisco to visit my Z, drank beer and finished writing my novel in November 2011. On November 27th, I received a call from my family of origin that I had to come see about them. After much crying, fussing, cussing, and praying, I began a journey that would take me through my mother's terminal illness and death, my father's failing health and repeated hospitalizations, and the clearing of a hoarder's treasures.

In the past eight months, I have processed more dysfunction than I had in all my years of therapy. Thankfully, I have a lot of tools to shovel the shit that was piled on. I could never have imagined the level of hurt waiting to be uncovered. I had no idea the history into which I was born. And all that crap that was said and done to me, well, it's in the past. That's how I kept traveling north. I kept remembering that I have already survived what I have been through and I am just fine. (I'll address my crazy elsewhere.)

So, here I am today, celebrating my eighth month at home. I did take a part-time situation for the month of May. That gave me a boost - financially and socially. I have picked up five or six hours a week clearing clutter. That helps as well. Financially, I have learned to live even closer to necessities. Staying under the budget I designed before I left work and the few dollars coming in have brought me two extra months.

I have applied for several jobs. I wait expectantly for my acceptance letter to the last position for which I interviewed. Each day I am thankful for this time I have had at home. I know returning to work full time will be a challenge. I am excited about that as well. My goal for this blog was to learn to live my life more freely and clearly. What I find is that I love being at home, tucked away behind the trees, reading, writing, and drinking beer.

Done digging in the past, I now consider how I want to show up in the present. Here is the greater work, to be the person we long to be. This will also bring our greatest challenges.

My journey has opened my heart/mind to the work of an instrument of peace.