Legacy

I am adult child sorting out my life. Not that I am a child - by no means. But this time away from working has been filled with family situations. My frequent journeys back to my childhood home have both enlightened me to issues that span generations and opened a deeper passion to love and be honest with my children. I have lived by this principle long before their births, but in those moments when I deeply disagree with their life choices, I am reminded that I taught them to think for themselves and to live life fully. Who am I to direct their paths? They are adults and I would not leave them a legacy of hoping for my love and acceptance. They have it - given freely and daily.

I have lived much of my life outside of the parameters of my childhood teachings. I began in opposition until I found a way to separate from their teachings and identify what I believe. Every step was a struggle for and movement away from religious indoctrination came with the threat of eternal damnation. But worse, life was outside the umbrella of grace. Easy, how all that just comes back. A word here, a thought there, and a whole new clearing mission begins. These are not the teachings of love, compassion or understanding. This is the imposition of fear.

When I travel back I say nothing of my life that does not fit neatly into the standards. I speak lightly of my passion, which then sounds like mere interest. And I am not asked, nor do I share my thoughts. I am there to be of service and support. But what of here? Do I write under a pen name still protecting the tender egos of those who would so easily cast me into hell? Do I stifle my creativity because others may take offense? Am I destined to shun the light that the dark may be preserved?

To know me, you would find these ridiculous questions. And yet, time, maturity, and the quiet have spoken in a different voice. Having given up my brazen outlandish behaviors and chosen the comfort of home, I wonder now at the cost of this next step on my path. I will take it for sure, but with forethought to the consequences.

“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.” Stephen Covey